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Description · A book of strange and sordid tales retold from the pages of the Hebrew & Greek Bibles. Like a Children’s Storybook Bible, but just for adults.

Synopsis · A god named Eternal-Master advances his interests in hostile territory—along the way, he founds a nation that turns out to be perpetually unstable, and then when he finally shows up in the flesh, he’s killed.

Advisory · This book is based on the Bible, so it contains adult themes, crude language, and near-constant violations of traditional Judeo-Christian values.

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Let’s Read: Violent Bible Stories

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Précis · Eternal-Master made the world but it quickly became hostile territory, ruled by his Adversary. And for the first few thousand years, Eternal-Master didn’t even have his own country. Then he introduced himself to a family in a place called the Lowlands. They grew into a nation of millions, wandered as refugees, reinvaded their homeland, split into two states, were brutally displaced by outside empires, and eventually allowed back into the Lowlands. But from then on, Eternal-Master’s country was supervised by a parade of foreign powers that were all repulsed by the local culture and religion. This was when Eternal-Master’s people wrote the Law, Prophets, and Writings (which we know as the Hebrew Bible or Old Testament). Then Eternal-Master’s long-promised god-king arrived. His name was Master’s-Rescue and he got a lot of attention in and around the Lowlands, but only a handful of committed followers—until he died, and came back, and then left again. Over the next few decades, his sect compiled their history and letters (which we call the Greek Bible or New Testament).

About the author · Horse McDermott, McD. has been called “a key figure in the international scene” by former Phoenix mayor Leland LePlume, “a harbinger of our inevitable future” by cellist Odious Chauncey, and an “eligible datum” by researcher Lex Conical. His new year’s resolution is to stop being described as “nasty” in police reports. Horse is listed among the recipients of the Mucinex brand newsletter. He hopes to pull off a necklace someday. Horse’s personal boycotts are singlehandedly changing the landscape of American consumer goods. He constantly finds himself in situations. Horse is looking for pest control recommendations to deal with a nest of crabs in his crawlspace. He made varsity on his high school tennis team but never won a match. Horse is a Sagittarius, a Dadaist, a reluctant Democratic voter, a total Chandler, a recovering chocoholic, a solid seven in the looks department but barely a five on the enneagram, and a man of his word.

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Stories from the Hebrew Bible

Genesis 25 - 49 · The Life & Times of the Last Patriarch
Exodus 2 - 12 · Magical Diplomacy
Numbers 21 · Red Serpent Infestation
Joshua 10 & 15 · The Nations Plot in Vain
Judges 13 - 16 · The Unhindered Chief
Judges 19 · A Night in the Big City
1 Samuel 22 - 2 Samuel 5 · Statecraft? More Like Violent Disarray
2 Samuel 13 - 20 · It Takes Both Hands to Hold the Scepter
1 Kings 16 - 2 Kings 2 · The Prophet’s Protégé
2 Kings 6 · The Siege
Kings & Hosea · Whatever Happened to God’s Country?

Stories from the Greek Bible

Matthew & Luke-Acts · Acting Royal
Matthew 8, Mark 5, & Luke 8 · The Horde
Luke 20 · The Tenants
Matthew 26 - 27 & John 12 · The Damn Perfume
Acts 4 - 15 · A Familiar Voice Speaking Strange Words
Revelation · Seven Doors, Horns, & Bowls

Appendix

The Tribes of Divine-Prevailer · Fourteen Peoples Cajoled by an Opinionated God
Glossary · Translations & Transliterations
Read It for Yourself · Book Order & Reading Guide
About the Author · Biography & Contact Information

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Print Distribution

Subject · Fiction · Religious
Price · $20 USD
Page count · 298
Binding · Paperback · Perfect-bound
Jacket · Paperboard stock · Matte plastic film · Color printing
Interior · Groundwood paper · Black and white printing
Type · STIX Two (Tiro Typeworks) · Arial (Monotype)
ISBN · 979-8-8693-6752-5
Dimensions · 6 x 0¾ x 9 in · 15 x 2 x 23 cm
Weight · 0.8 lb · 355 g

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